Connection Before Correction
As a child’s brain develops and their networking is beginning to wire and shape who they will become, interactions with others help to develop their interpersonal skills, social and emotional well-being, and intellectual capacity. As adults, we can support the child’s emerging abilities, allow for observing, reflection, mirroring, and ultimately become attuned to what the child needs from their environment. A relationship-based approach to teaching begins with the understanding that relationships are essential to development, and from there gets scaffolded within a school setting. Research shows that stronger teacher-student relationships lead to an influx of positive behaviors, academic achievement, and student well-being. A few specific examples of how it improves the student’s life is by:
Increases student motivation
Boosts academic engagement
Improves math and reading achievements
Gains prosocial behavior
Enhances emotional well-being
Promotes emotional regulation
So this begs the question; how do we accomplish this at Gateway Academy?
Connection
At Gateway, we begin the year off with the “First Eight Days.” These days are carefully crafted to build rapport between students and teachers with quality time through fun activities that help students feel comfortable in the school environment. To maximize our impact from the “First Eight Days,” we intentionally have small classroom sizes with no more than a 3:1 ratio between student/teacher. This allows for each teacher to fully get to know their students, permitting the teacher to focus on each student’s individual needs. While small classes are ideal for relationship-based teaching, our teachers also follow a project-based learning model. Lessons are more than lectures and tests; our students are able to fluctuate between hands-on activities and group projects. Each student's strengths are utilized as they work on skills such as inquiry, collaboration, reflection, and feedback. Additionally, teachers are getting buy-in from the student, because in this model their voices are being heard.
As a private school, we are able to scaffold our curriculum around building strong relationships, and our teachers understand how to make those connections with our students. They are able to utilize our students' interests and grab their attention. For example, a math teacher will add a student’s name in a math problem to connect them to the question. Or an English teacher will change a question to incorporate a plane because one of our students wants to become a pilot in the future. By taking the time to get to know our students and families, our teachers are able to tailor their lessons and engage the student in learning, ultimately leading to increased student participation and satisfaction.
Just like the teachers, we as counselors at Gateway, are given the opportunity to fully get to know each individual student and family. We are able to individually meet with each student to best monitor their mental well-being and build the rapport within our individual case-loads. Additionally, our support team meets weekly, sharing information to the teaching staff, giving us an integrated care model of support for the student as a full team: the “Gateway Team.”
Correction
So, what happens when corrections need to be made?
When a student’s behavior has impacted the student body. Repair. Because we spend so much time getting to know the student, understanding who they are, what they need from their environment, and how to support them, our connections allow for our correction piece at Gateway to not be punitive, but instead be based on repairing relationships. Perspective-taking questions are posed to the student. We ask:
How has your behavior affected the people around you?
How were you feeling at that moment?
Ultimately, we are working on resolving the situation by repairing relationships. Any correction is done away from the group so that there is no emotional shaming from peers. Gentle reminders will be done with a group so that the entire group is getting the same message and knows the expectations. Going along with the “non-punitive” system, we as a school, have rewards systems put in place based on positive reinforcement. These systems showcase positive behaviors that kids present to the entire school, giving “kudos” to students that are helping others, making friends, and being kind.
Connection and Correction at Home
You may be wondering how this translates into the home or applies to you and your family. Even if it feels like you and your child, preteen or teenager, have almost nothing in common right now, it does not mean you cannot connect! Spending quality time with your children, free from distractions and outside pressures, can strengthen any relationship.
The biggest misconception about quality time is that it has to look Instagram-worthy or be something that takes a lot of planning or money, such as a big trip or elaborate party. More often than not, those are the moments that add stress to people’s lives, not enhance them.
Start small. Ask about your child’s day, every day; ask open-ended questions, share your own experiences, and funny stories from your own day.
Novelty can add a lot without breaking the bank. Try a game night, start a book club, go out to eat unexpectedly, joining in or asking in-depth questions about one of their hobbies, baking/cooking challenges, creating a scavenger hunt in a favorite store.
Keep it simple and create more space for relaxed “no pressure fun time” into your busy schedules.
When children feel connected to their parents, they develop a sense of trust and emotional security. This trust forms the foundation for open communication and mutual respect. In contrast, a lack of connection can make children more resistant to parental guidance and corrections. Children are more likely to internalize lessons when they know that corrections come from a place of love and understanding. Parents who model how to have open and honest conversations will more likely have expressive kids. This begins with how parents speak to each other, how they speak to other family members, friends, and the kids themselves. Practice sharing what is on your mind with your child, and see how they reciprocate. When children feel heard and valued, they are more likely to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns with their parents. This open dialogue is essential for addressing issues and concerns before they escalate into situations your child shouldn’t handle on their own. At that point you want them to feel comfortable turning to you for support.
When corrections inevitably do need to occur, feedback/consequences will be better received because of a mutual respect. The most important piece of the correction is the repair. Talk about how the behavior or situation affected the community, family, school or whatever space the child’s behavior had an affect on, and reflect on how others were impacted by their actions as well. It is also important to remember that open-ended questions are so much more impactful to help the conversation stick with them rather than telling them what they did wrong.
Prioritizing connection before correction lays the foundation for a healthy, open, and communicative caregiver-child relationship. By fostering trust, security, and honest dialogue, you can guide your children towards positive growth and development, making the corrections you do offer more effective and better received.
Samantha Foulkrod, MEd, LPC-S- Director of Counseling
Samantha dedicates herself to nurturing the social and emotional well-being of students while managing counseling staff and staying updated on evolving practices in the field. Her journey began with a Communication degree from Texas A&M University in 2011, followed by a Master's in Counseling from the University of Houston in 2015. As a licensed therapist-supervisor, Samantha specializes in supporting neurodiverse populations, addressing anxiety, mood disorders, and stress management. Her ongoing pursuit involves exploring the intricate correlation between trauma and attachment, aiming to grasp their diverse impacts on individuals.
Paxton Leibold, MA, LPC - Upper School Counselor
For 7 years, Paxton has supported marginalized groups in mental health settings across various communities. With a Master's from the University of Denver, she now focuses on aiding students with learning differences in Houston. Since 2020, Paxton has been with Gateway Academy, initially as a family and student support specialist at Advance Houston, then transitioning to become the upper school counselor. Her role involves teaching emotional wellness classes, giving classroom support, and leading individual student sessions. Paxton is pursuing certification in Attachment and Trauma to further enhance her support at Gateway.